i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
