I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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