He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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