Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Someone signed my nipple.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
