She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
