Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
