Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
