if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
