The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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