you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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