Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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