and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
