Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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