there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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