I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
