If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
