So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
