Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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