dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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