i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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