I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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