i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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