New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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