i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize