Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
