is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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