I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
