i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
