I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
