i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
