before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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