he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
