Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
