you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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