I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
