I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
