Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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