My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
