i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
