There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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