Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
