he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
time to smoke my breakfast
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
being pregnant is like rehab
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
