sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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