Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Couch. On fire.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
