Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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