I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
