He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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