you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
