I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
