The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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