i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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