I'm really into asian looking animals
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
