Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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