everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
