do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
