pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
