Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
