there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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