can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
