you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
