so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
