Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
