U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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