It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
