Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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