Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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