How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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