Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
