Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
