No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
