i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
