the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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